Quotes from the Movie Almost Heroes

Look at me. I'm going to make an experiment.

Pratt

Permission to check on the condition of my woman, sir? I wanna check on her bandages and see if she can keep some food down.

Pratt

Mr. President, we have to give bears the right to vote... or bears will rise up and then BEARS will be in congress and we will be the ones performing in the circus, wearing little hats.

Edwards

I hope Satan himself burns the flesh from your miserable bones.

Lady

I name this here fork "Pittsburgh Nellie"; a Welsh whore who could do things with her one good arm that'd make you forget that *thing* on her neck.

Hunt

I suspect that you'll want to lead a hunting party to slay that terrible beast.

Bidwell

Well, yes, that thought did cross my mind briefly. But now I have a better idea.

Edwards

Rest assured, Bidwell, in 20 years or so, the ravages of old age will deal with the bear far more cruelly than we ever could have.

Edwards

Well, I don't know what's worse. The bear or my itchy nose.

Bidwell

What I remembered the most were the animals.

Hunt

Fearsome beasts of the mountains and plains. I've seen a bear so powerful... that it *snapped* a man's body in half with his huge jaws. Garrgghh! Garrgghh! I've seen a badger with paws as big as frying pans. And that'd rip your face right off! Right off! Nothing you can do with that! Just rip it off! Once there was a hawk that swooped down from the sky... Aggghhh! Aggghhh! Aggghhh! And plucked a man's eyeballs out of his sockets. Auuuggghhh! Auuuggghhh! The fella was screaming, "I'm blind! I can't see!" *Twice* when I was fishing...

Hunt